Cayman Summer Read online

  I put my hand on her arm. “The room next door.”

  “Here?” Her eyebrows squinch up.

  “No, babe.” I lean over and stroke her cheek. “I got a job with our—my—favorite dive guys out at the East End. Two of their dive masters took off. They are way shorthanded and can get an emergency work VISA pushed through for me.” She’s not smiling, not excited. I try again. “They are a great bunch of divers. You’re going to love them.”

  “How far away from here is it?” She presses her lips together to still the trembling.

  “Don’t worry.” I kiss her forehead. “I’ll drive you back down for physical therapy and check-ups.”

  She clutches at my arm. “Where am I going?”

  I pat her hand—notice her fingers are no longer swollen. “They are going to take you off the morphine on Thursday. Try you on regular pain pills. If that goes well, you don’t have to stay here anymore.”

  She inhales, holds it and blows it out. “It will go well. It has to.”

  Am I pushing this too soon? “How do you feel about leaving?”

  She musters a smile. “You’ve got a condo for the two of us?”

  “Yeah. Well—not just us.”

  The smile slips off her face.

  I cradle her hand in both of mine. “There’s not a lot of decent apartments near the resort, and their units aren’t exactly booked up these days, so they rent out one of their condos to all the foreign dive masters and instructors. There’s like eight of them crammed into one two-bedroom condo. Or there was. And there will be again when we move in.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up. “I’m moving in with seven guys?”

  I don’t like how that sounds. “No. Alex needs a roommate.”

  “Who is Alex?”

  “The girl running things on the boat today.”

  Incredulous. That’s the only way to describe the face she turns away from me. “Not another old girlfriend.”

  I nudge Leesie’s chin back in my direction. “Nope.” I kiss her. “Relax, babe. It’s all good. Alex is new here. She’s cool. She told me about the job—set the whole thing up for us.”

  I try to kiss Leesie again, but she tilts her head to the side to avoid me. “I bet she did.”

  I thought we were beyond jealousy. I nuzzle the side of her face and whisper in her ear. “I talked about you—my fiancé—the whole freaking time.”

  She relents and lets me kiss her.

  “You, my coddled princess”—I kiss her again—“get to share the master ensuite with Alex, and I’m stuck on a cot in the living room with three other guys.”

  She kisses me back and goes for the jugular. “So I’m only moving in with six hot dive instructors?”

  I tickle her for that.

  “Don’t, it hurts to laugh.” She bats at my hand and pumps her morphine a couple shots.

  I sit on the bed’s edge and gather her up in my arms. “Just remember who you’re with, babe.” I suck on her lower lip to remind her.

  We make out for awhile, and then she rests her cheek on my chest.

  I rub her back. “So we’re good?”

  “It’s seems weird to move in with a bunch of strangers.”

  “They aren’t strangers. They’re divers. I met them today.”

  “My mom would—” She stops, struggles a moment. “Okay.” Her voice wavers. “If that’s what you want to do.”

  I hold her closer. “I know it’s not ideal—kind of a zoo.”

  Leesie shifts so she can see my face.

  I smile encouragement. “Alex is great. She’s got advanced rescue and some EMT training. She said she’d be happy to help you if you need it.”

  Leesie manages to smile back. “I should be able to take care of myself.”

  “Cool.” I seal the deal with a kiss on her forehead.

  She pulls her eyebrows down, accusing. “Aren’t we going for a walk on the beach?”

  “Have you got enough of that stuff in you?” I motion to her IV paraphernalia.

  She pushes the morphine button three more times. “Give it ten minutes.” Her eyes close.

  “Good. We can talk. I think it’s time, babe. You can tell me. It’ll help.”

  Her eyes fly open. Her face squeezes into a knot. “What about ‘never’ don’t you understand?” She turns her face to the wall.

  I sit back, my head in my hands, defeated again. It’s me, babe. You can tell me. It hurts that she doesn’t want to share the accident with me. I know this is dumb and selfish, but I’m doing everything I can for her—spending a chunk of change to make this work, and she still won’t talk about what happened in that pickup cab before the accident. That’s what eats her. I know. She knows. All the nurses and morphine pumps and casts and stitches won’t heal that. I’m here. I can listen. I can help her. And she won’t try.

  I’m a fool. I admit it. It’s way too soon. I go find Sugar, so she can unhook Leesie and help her get dressed. Smile and play like nothing happened. She’ll tell me someday. When she’s ready. I’ll be the one.

  LEESIE HUNT / CHATSPOT LOG / 05/06 2:58 AM

  Kimbo69 says: Leesie living with six guys? That’s a picture I can’t process.

  Leesie327 says: Ick. You make it sound like they’ll be passing me around.

  Kimbo69 says: You don’t have a “Thou shalt not share an apartment with guys” commandment?

  Leesie327 says: That’s an old Leesie rule. It doesn’t matter now.

  Kimbo69 says: And Michael doesn’t have a problem with it?

  Leesie327 says: I’m sharing a room with Alex.

  Kimbo69 says: Right. She sounds fishy to me.

  Leesie327 says: Michael says she’s like one of the guys.

  Kimbo69 says: But she jumped to get him hired.

  Leesie327 says: When they are down two dive masters it puts all of them at risk—too much diving. They could get bent. It’s dangerous.

  Kimbo69 says: She went after him for her health?

  Leesie327 says: She didn’t go after him.

  Kimbo69 says: She convinced him to move in with her.

  Leesie327 says: I’m moving in with her.

  Kimbo69 says: Yeah. That’s a nice touch.

  Leesie327 says: Michael and I are way beyond that petty stuff.

  Kimbo69 says: And I’m not? Mark and I aren’t? We’ve been together way longer than you have.

  Leesie327 says: Our situation is different. No one else exists for either of us.

  Kimbo69 says: Liar. You are insanely jealous.

  Leesie327 says: Shut up.

  Kimbo69 says: Be honest.

  Leesie327 says: Okay. I’m scared. I’m scared to leave here. I’m scared to unplug my morphine pump. I’m scared she’s pretty.

  Kimbo69 says: You’re pretty.

  Leesie327 says: I’m hideous.

  Kimbo69 says: Michael doesn’t think so.

  Leesie327 says: He has eyes.

  Kimbo69 says: That are glued on you 24/7.

  Leesie327 says: But what if she has long hair?

  LEESIE’S MOST PRIVATE CHAPBOOK

  POEM #80, I’VE GOT YOU

  First day off morphine starts

  sore—even after I swallow

  their pills. “You’re job, young lady”—

  the doctor hands me a full bottle

  of pain-a-cide—“is to take these pills

  only for pain—not comfort, not anxiety.”

  His golden Cayman tones echo off the

  sunny walls. “Don’t skimp at first.

  Taper off as soon as you can.”

  I hurt too bad to eat breakfast—or even drink

  my smoothie. I manage not to puke

  my guts up but just barely.

  The sore gets worse and worse,

  when I breathe, when I move, when I think,

  but no way I’m telling because

  he’s moving in tomorrow, and I’m

  going with him.

  Period.

  Michael gets exc
ited when they

  unwind the figure eight bandage

  that’s trussed my collarbone in place.

  “Keep your right arm in the sling.”

  Sugar moves it gently back in place.

  “But you can move it to dress and bathe.”

  Michael rushes over to the tourist trap

  across the street, comes back with

  a bulging, plastic bag. “Let’s REALLY go

  to the beach.” The dressing on my nose

  now is more of a brace than a cast.

  He tosses the bag on my lap.

  I pull out a hottest pink, tropical print

  bikini. “You’ve got to be kidding?”

  My ribs are unwrapped, but still

  black and blue.

  Doesn’t he remember my rules?

  Bikinis are contraband.

  Is this a hint? Does he recognize

  I’m lost? Or is he as clueless

  over bikinis as he was me

  moving into an apartment full of guys?

  He digs in the bag and pulls out a t-shirt.

  “I got this to keep you decent—

  matches mine.” He bought himself less loud

  swim shorts and another Cayman T-shirt.

  My day’s been too long already. If only

  I could lie in bed with the shades pulled down

  counting the waves of pain. But

  I’m fine. Remember. Nothing wrong

  today or tomorrow.

  Sugar helps me change, wraps my hand cast

  in a bread bag. “Don’t get your face wet

  or sand in your boots.” She just washed them.

  They stunk. She sprays my head with

  sunscreen and ties a scarf around the stubble.

  I limp half way, Michael gets impatient,

  carries me the rest of the way.

  He sets me on the sand, spreads

  out a straw beach mat, trimmed

  in hot pink to match my t-shirt

  draped bikini. (Feels like sin to wear

  it—even hidden away like this.)

  We lie together in the sun.

  His thigh touches mine. I squint

  my eyes against the bright light.

  “I forgot.” His hand goes

  into his pocket. “One more present.”

  He puts sunglasses over my eyes that

  have faded from purple to greenish black.

  We laze in the sunshine.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Moving?”

  “No.” He raises up on his elbow.

  “You’ll feel better, babe.

  It’s me—I’m not going to judge you.”

  I ignore him, lie there until sweat coats me.

  “This t-shirt’s too hot.” He took

  his off—why can’t I?

  His hand reaches down and unvelcroes

  the straps on my boots.

  “What are you doing?”

  He pushes off my scarf. “We’re going

  swimming.”

  “No we’re not.”

  “No waves today. Come on, babe.

  I’ve got you.”

  He picks me up, still wearing the shirt,

  carries me into cool, silky

  water deep as his chest.

  His arms loosen. I clutch him.

  “Take it easy. This will feel good.”

  He makes me lie flat on my back

  one arm in my sling, my good hand

  holding my broken one on top of

  my stomach.

  “Fill your chest with air.”

  I inhale.

  “Hold it.”

  I’m beautifully buoyant in the

  salt and sun and Michael’s arms.

  “Relax. Put your head back.”

  I obey—cool ocean blueness

  laps around my body, easing

  away heat and a measure of ache,

  calming me as I lie embraced

  by it’s subtle rhythm.

  “Saltwater therapy.” His lips

  find a patch of my stubbly head.

  “You need more of this.”

  “I could lie like this forever.”

  “That can be arranged.”

  If he knew what a beast I am,

  would he say that? Would

  he float me in the waves?

  Or swim away—farther

  than Thailand, farther than

  forever.

  Chapter 8

  FORWARD STEPS

  MICHAEL’S DIVE LOG – VOLUME #10

  Dive Buddy: Leesie

  Date: 05/09

  Dive #: last one at this site

  Location: Grand Cayman

  Dive Site: Rehab Center

  Weather Condition: stormier than I knew

  Water Condition: choppy

  Depth: I can’t tell exactly

  Visibility: clearing

  Water Temp: chilly

  Bottom Time: 20 minutes

  Comments:

  I drop by the rehab center on my way to pick up my bags from the airport. Claude finally sent them. I got his email last night. He’s been busy. Shorthanded. I’m not easy to replace. French bull.

  The air freight plane landed at 6 AM. The airport’s on our route to our new digs in East End, but I don’t want Leesie to have to tough it out waiting if there’s problems at customs.

  Sugar’s serving Leesie breakfast. Tea and toast. Guess her stomach’s not up to her usual fruity smoothie. Shoot. She usually lets me finish it off.

  Tea? Gross. And she can’t drink it. One of her rules. You can’t get a decent can of Coke on the entire BYU campus. She said caffeinated pop is a gray area. It’s not officially part of the rule—commandment. Lots of Mormons drink it, but my Leesie was a purist.

  She starts to say something to Sugar. Stops herself. Picks up the spoon and stirs the cup.

  “Leese.” I nod to Sugar as she leaves. “Don’t drink that.”

  She takes a spoonful, sips. “Damn.” She drops the spoon onto the table that swings over her bed and touches her lips. “It’s hot.” Great, now she’s swearing.

  I point at the cup in her hands. “What are you doing?”

  “Sugar said it would settle my stomach.” Her tongue makes “bleck” motions. “How do you drink this stuff? Even with honey it’s nasty.”

  I cross the room. “What’s wrong with your stomach?”

  “Just a bit queasy.” She focuses her eyes on the teacup. “I’m fine.”

  I fill her in on the morning’s agenda. “I’ll be back soon. Are you excited?”

  She plasters a fake smile on her face. “Of course.” She picks ice out of her water pitcher and plunks it into her tea.

  “What’s wrong?” I need her to be pumped about this. She’s still holding the accident in. I don’t know if she’ll ever be pumped about anything again if she refuses to deal with it.

  She concentrates on stirring the cup. “Can you hold this up for me? I’m afraid I’m going to spill it.”

  “No. I told you.” I take the teacup. “You’re not breaking the rules with me around.”

  She scowls. “Who made you my judge?”

  “You did.” I take the tea into her bathroom and dump it down the sink.

  “I was supposed to drink that,” she yells, shrill and tense.

  “Don’t be like this, Leesie,” I call and turn the water on to rinse out the sink. “It freaks me out.”

  “Do you even care what freaks me out?”

  I shut the water off and stare into the mirror. “Of course I do. That’s all I care about.” What is it, babe? What’s made you like this? I miss the old Leesie more and more every day.

  “You and Alex,” she shouts, “that freaks me out.”

  “What?” I stand in the doorway of the bathroom, shocked. That came out of nowhere. “Alex?”

  Leesie has her knees pulled up to her chest. She huddles there hanging onto them like a broke
n butterfly. I walk towards her.

  “Don’t send me home.” She blinks fast. Her eyes have gone pink. “I’ll be good. I won’t drink tea.”

  I stop halfway to her bed. “Why would I send you home?”

  She drops her face to her knees and mumbles.

  I take another step closer. “What?”

  She lifts her face, squeezes her eyes shut. “You’ve got her now.”

  “Who?” I take another step closer.

  “Alex.”

  “That hurts.” I pound on my chest like some kind of stupid ape. “Really hurts.”

  Leesie raises her head. Tears stream down her face. For the first time since the accident, I see the girl she sees in the mirror. Shaved head. Ugly scar. Bruised eyes hiding a secret that rips her to pieces. Two long strides close the distance that separates us. I sit on her bed and surround the Leesie bundle perched on it with my arms and whisper, “How can you even begin to think that?”

  “Is she pretty?”

  “No.” I hand her a tissue and kiss her temple.

  Leesie blows her nose. “Is she stacked?”

  “She’s all muscle. You’re stacked compared to her.”

  “Doe she have long hair?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I couldn’t tell you. I think it’s short. I didn’t notice.”

  “Really?” She sits straighter and looks pleased.

  “Really.” I kiss her moist cheek. “Are you going to be okay now? No more crazy ideas about Alex?”

  “Why are we moving in there?”

  “Because I got a job and”—I hug her—“I think you could use a friend.”

  She relaxes against me. “I’m sorry. I’m stupid.”

  “Idiotic.” My lips find hers. “Better?”

  She nods her head and kisses me again.

  “Trust me.”

  “I’m trying.”

  If I keep telling her that, maybe she finally will.

  LEESIE’S MOST PRIVATE CHAPBOOK

  POEM #81, MOVING WITH MICHAEL

  The clothes I wore here are clean,

  folded on a chair. Sugar coaches

  me getting the bra on by

  myself. I wince, and she sees it.

  “You missing the morphine?”